III. Self as Spiritual Director
When I think about myself as a spiritual director, one recurring image is a variation of the good shepherd imagery from the Gospel of John: shepherding others towards God, who is the Good Shepherd. I particularly appreciate the reassurance in John 10:4-5 that, “The sheep follow the [Good Shepherd] because they know the [Shepherd’s] voice. They will not follow a stranger, but they will run from [the stranger] because they do not know the voice of strangers.” As a spiritual director, I am a shepherd who helps others learn to trust God, who is the true Shepherd. I help them attune their senses to become more aware of the Shepherd’s voice (the inner voice at the center of their being), a voice they have always known on the deepest level of themselves. I also help them discern the voice of the stranger (outside distractions), which they should, in many cases, avoid.
The predominant strength that I bring to the practice of spiritual direction is my mind. It is easy for me to provide directees with language, scripture references, and book recommendations to help them reflect theologically on their experience. It has, for example, been relatively easy for me to provide women with books on feminist theology and to point them to feminine images of God in scripture. Similarly, I can readily provide lesbian and gay Christians with intellectual material regarding the coming out process. In both these cases, I can often speak a word of hope to my directees, help them respond in greater freedom, and equip them to respond to others with clarity and confidence.
My natural proclivity to rely on my thoughts can also be a weakness. It can lead to me depend on the idol of my own intellect instead of listening more deeply for what God may be saying to me through my thoughts. And, even if I am listening for God speaking through my thoughts, I limit the ways in which I listen and respond to God – and the ways in which I help my directees listen and respond to God – if I remain in the comfort zone of my mind. Thus, the biggest challenge I face as a spiritual director is to “widen [my] horizons.”[1] I need to cultivate increasing awareness of the multi-faceted ways in which God communicates beyond the intellectual. Monthly supervision sessions, completing the Contemplative Reflection Forms, and reflection using the
As a result, I am starting to pay increased attention to my feelings during direction. This might allow me to say, “When you said that, I felt really sad (or glad or mad),” which might invite the directee to enter more deeply into the affective dimension. I am also starting to pay increased attention to my body. This might allow me to notice something instinctual that I am unable to name cognitively. For instance, a directee might say something that causes tightness in my gut – which might lead me to wonder if there is a deeper concern than what the directee has currently revealed.
My tendency towards the intellectual also means that I am naturally comfortable in the interpretive dimension. Paying attention to (and responding out of) what God is saying to me through my feelings and body can help me invite directees deeper into the affective dimension, but I also need to cultivate my comfort with inviting others into the nonthematic and Mystery dimensions. I have begun to do this recently by inviting directees to “savor” experiences and by leading them through guided meditations. Instead of inviting rational discourse about an experience (the interpretive dimension) or even asking about their feelings (the affective dimension), I am helping them enter more deeply into their experience – where there are often “sighs too deep for words” (the nonthematic). In the future, when appropriate, I hope to invite directees to have intentional, first-hand experiences with God during direction sessions (the Mystery dimension) perhaps through body prayer, prayer in nature, lectio divina, or artistic/creative prayer.
In summary, my growing edges are (1) to become increasingly aware of what God, my feelings, and my body are telling me and (2) to increasingly invite directees towards the nonthematic and Mystery dimensions. The most helpful way I have found for helping myself to accomplish these goals are to respond more slowly to allow time and space for deeper invitations to arise as alternatives to my initial tendencies. This strategy has the added benefit of allowing time and space for the directee to be “self-directed” (that is, to become aware of what God is calling him or her to do or say beyond my awareness of God’s movements).
The theological component to this process is that I need to practice kenosis.[2] In other words, I need to release my grasp on my false self – my learned behaviors of relying on myself, especially my intellect. That means releasing any desire to appear as an “expert,” a temptation to which the ivory tower of the mind is particularly susceptible. And, instead, I need to empty myself (thereby paradoxically connecting to my true self), creating a space that allows God to work through me.
No comments:
Post a Comment